Not To Go Off Or Anything...

So, I didn't watch the Grammy Awards a week and a half ago. I can't remember the last time awards given had anything to do with music I like. I've never based my listening on so-called popularity, nor have I ever wanted to watch an album or artist I really do like win. In short, the Grammys aren't important to me or the relationship I have with the music I enjoy.

I understand a lot of people need the shiny television shows to tell them what music to tune into. This is the well-managed aspect of the music business, and I don't begrudge the industry one bit for the big acts, the safe bets, in order to get attention. Not that it's helping album sales, but...

No, there is one thing in particular I wanted to point out about this year's awards show, and that is this: I have a problem with Coldplay. If you didn't watch, they won Song of the Year and Rock Album of the Year for Viva La Vida - for the single and album of the same name, respectively. My problem is with - don't think me a petty person - what the band wore.


If this looks a little familiar...


Hm.

Yes, Exhibit B is from the 1967 landmark album Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Often called one of the best - or at least most important, pivotal, influential, whatever - albums in rock history. The front cover is iconic. The lyrics get plenty of people hopped up on finger-pointing when it comes to drug references, and also a plethora of "clues" to the famous "Paul is dead" rumours.

And as a cool side note, if you'll look at Paul's left arm here -


- the black badge is an O.P.P. (Ontario Provincial Police) flash. I live in Ontario. I PRACTICALLY KNOW PAUL MCCARTNEY!!

Right?

Anyway. What I get from Coldplay's wardrobe choice on television's most musical night is that they're ok with parallels being drawn between themselves and one of rock history's greatest bands and albums. I would politely like to point out that this is an untrue parallel to be drawn, and shame on Coldplay for doing so.

Oh, they're sorry for their costume choice, alright. Or they're being cheeky, and it's more of a, "Sorry, Sir McCartney, for being the new YOU! *cackle*" They haven't earned the right to dress like The Beatles. Hell, if Oasis hasn't done it, no one can. Coldplay, no album or song you've created can hold a candle to the Beatle legacy. I'm sorry - you are (or were) one of my favourite rock bands, but I know what's legendary and what isn't.

I just realized I haven't been recommending songs to listen to. Well, here's a good opportunity.

This deserves shiny militaresque outfits. (I can't vouch for the video component - but it's worth a watch.)

Joaquin's Gone Off The Deep End

So I missed the boat on this a bit, but apparently Joaquin Phoenix is a much-loved actor. He's been nominated for 2 Golden Globes - winning one for his role in Walk The Line - and 2 Oscars. Some have called him a fitting successor to Marlon Brando. I've never disliked him in any movie I've seen him in, but he never exactly STOOD OUT either. Granted, I haven't seen Walk The Line yet, and it's said to be his big flick. So maybe my slight ignorance towards his career and impact have lessened the impact of his recent turn.

Last week, Phoenix appeared on David Letterman. And the interview was... well, odd. You can look for yourself, but suffice it to say he seemed like he'd traded a sense of humour for a ZZ Top outfit. He announced his retirement from acting in October 2008, and this year has revealed that hip-hop is the way to go. Letterman's audience laughed, "sources" are saying it was an art project prank... but Phoenix says, No no. He's serious. Apparently.

Ignoring for a moment the fact that he looks more like Ray Lamontagne

(L to R: One of Shane's all-time favourite artists; Commodus, dastardly Roman emperor)

than Jay-Z - what the hell is he thinking? I'm not an expert on hip-hop music, but I think I know what is sought by artists in that genre, sort of. And he doesn't really have it. I know, he's new to it, and I'm not expecting him to blow minds right away, or any time soon. But I don't want to see him crash and burn - enough performers have forayed into the music world with less than stellar results*. As an aside, I'm going to have to remember to return to the topic of celebrities crossing into other art forms, and the delicious carnage that ensues.

* Why, Alan Doyle? WHY?!

Back to Joaquin. Maybe he is a brilliant actor, or even a genius. This would lend itself to eccentricity, which in turn lends itself to odd creative decisions. Maybe he is burnt out from his acting career, and wants to try a new avenue of expression. But watching that Letterman video again... I can't help but think it's a joke. And a very good one, a joke I appreciate, assuming it is meant to be one. Otherwise, I do honestly think he is pursuing a career he's just not meant to pursue. That's why I'm not an Olympic diver.

YET!

Or ever.

Left Out In The Cold(play)

Oh ho ho, that title makes me chuckle so. According to people who say so, producer Brian Eno - a hero of mine - and Coldplay are in the studio to work on material after last year's Viva La Vida. But he's decided that they will be, for now, leaving lead singer Chris Martin out of the picture.

That I like Brian Eno as a producer does not have a lot of bearing on this issue, since I don't know enough of his work to be a connoisseur or anything, but I sort of like the decision. From an instrumental point of view, it will be interesting for Jonny, Guy, and Wil to try a different atmosphere. One of Eno's famous Oblique Strategies at work? Perhaps.

All of this isn't to say that Chris Martin is becoming a bit of a distraction, exactly. And I still hold him in high regard - he's the reason I got into Coldplay in the first place. But his current role as THE face of Coldplay is a bit off from their original philosophy. When they started out in the late 90's, Coldplay was a pretty democratic band - drummer Wil Champion, especially, was vocal about Coldplay's music not being used in any advertisements. Of course, that's gone out the window now, hasn't it? They were always avid supporters of Make Trade Fair and Oxfam, but - through no fault of their own - it induces eye-rolling rather than fair-trade-making. And it is my humble opinion that their music has moved in a straight line from comforting, inviting, relatable music to over-produced, repetitive, self-congratulatory fluff. This isn't all Chris Martin's fault, but he doesn't give the impression that he's not the most important person in the band, and it's what you don't say that rings the loudest.

When Yellow came out, it changed pop music. We are 9 years beyond that single - my favourite of them all - and it all seems too easy for them now. They've never spoken like The Clash or Dylan, and they've never played like Yes! or Radiohead, but lately it doesn't seem to matter if they've anything to say at all. The critics are in their pockets, the awards are on their mantels. They earned the title of one of the era's top bands, and haven't much defended it.

I couldn't get enough of them when I first discovered Parachutes and A Rush Of Blood To The Head. Their Live 2003 album was my first music DVD purchased. X&Y was good without changing my world. But I have yet to listen to Viva La Vida or Death And All His Friends all the way through. I haven't felt the need.

Will Eno's decision to de-Martinize the instrumental process pay off? Time will tell. Will Chris Martin reconsider his ridiculous retirement plan? His ego will tell. Will I rush to the store and buy whatever new material they come out with next? Well... breaking up is hard to do. I'm willing to listen, if they're willing to say something this time around.